For almost 7 years I averaged 5-6 hours of sleep a night because I had my day job as a pharmacy technician and then quickly changed out of my scrubs, worked out and headed to chorister rehearsals for the opera house. I was used to it.
Then I got married. Who knew that I was going to catch up on my sleep. I moved to little old town of Longview from big city Houston and the partying stopped. Yeah..no....I was not a party girl. At least the big city hype calmed down and God called me to rest and sleep.
Little did I know that this was only preparing me for a future life of 5-6 hours of sleep yet again.
It feels oh so different because those nights of deep sleep have been interrupted by a breastfed baby. There are nights I totally feel like a zombie.
I am such a night owl and it has been so hard going to bed early KNOWING I will be needed only 2 hours after going to bed. (I am changing this up though)
Last night Ryan and I finally went to bed at 10:30pm and then he gets a call. My lovely husband has a naturally boomy voice. He really can't help it. Even though we have been trying to train him to use his INSIDE voice, I actually think he does not have one. From my bed I could hear him talking on the phone. I fear that his voice will wake the baby up besides the fact that it had already woken me up.
This morning Ryan tells me that I told him to quiet down twice. Um....I only remember getting up once from my bed to quiet him, but apparently I "shooshd" him from the bedroom. I do not even remember that!!
Anyway, here it is almost midnight and I am waiting for my dear husband to get back from a late night rehearsal and all I can think about is our weekend.
Feelings I never thought I would have have overtaken me lately and I find myself almost nightly clinging to my bed sheets and crying to God, asking him for the strength that I do not really have on my own.
Today was a wonderful day. The scripture that came to mind is from John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease."
Having a baby has made me realize how selfish of a person I am. This is why I think Scripture tells us to be fruitful and multiply otherwise we become self-absorbed. My baby teaches me daily to love her unconditionally just as God loves me unconditionally. I cannot think of my feelings or react the way I feel, even though sometimes it is SUPER hard. Running on empty is not a pretty sight, let me tell you.
I thank God for giving me the gift of raising a child because HE does not give me more than I can handle but BOY do I need his help daily.
Here's to celebrating 4 months with my baby girl and turning 33 this weekend. I really look forward seeing what more God brings to our lives. :-)